Rockets vs Baby
by Rocket Wolf
Summary: A random one-shot of what happens when Team Rocket find an abandoned baby in the middle of a forest and what they do to take care of it.


**Disclaimer: OK...I don't own Pokemon or Team Rocket, yadda yadda, yadda. Let's just leave it at that, shall we?**

_Alright, so it's been a while since I've updated my stories due to recent delays and I cannot access or modify them due to them being on a different computer than the new one I've got now. So, since I've been waiting for the transfer, I decided to write a little somethin' somethin' for the trouble. Kind of another stupid, pointless (kinda longish) one-shot, but when I'm in the mood to write, I write. So...whatever. And don't worry...I should be getting on both of my series soon. Thanks for waiting. Anyway---have fun. XD And don't be afraid to R 'n' R...I don't bite. Well, sometimes. But not a lot. ANYWAY---_

One day, our three favourite Rocket members---Jessie, James and Meowth---were trekking through a forest, obviously doing nothing other than tracking down the infamous twerps. Their last Meowth balloon was once again, exploded and destroyed in yet another defeat. However, the twerps were still lingering nearby (Meowth caught the scent) and they decided it was better to travel on foot for the time being.

"I hate these twerps." Jessie muttered. "They're always scattered all over the friggin' place. Can't they just stay in the same place for _once_? Why do they have to make our lives so difficult?!"

"Yea, especially when they know we're trying to spy on them." James added. "I mean, it's hard enough as it is."

"Well, dey couldn't have gone too far." replied the cream-coloured pokemon. "I gots dere smell and dere's no way I'm gonna lose it now!"

"But Meowth," started James. "You don't have a---"

"I DO SO HAVE A NOSE!" he barked back. "It's dis little bump right here," he pointed to the bump on his face. "and I don't wanna have dis discussion again after we've already been through it ten million times!"

"We've only been through it _nine million, three thousand, six hundred and forty-two_ times." James replied.

"Whatever. Seems da same to me." Meowth, waving his paw.

"Well, that's 'cuz you never learned math, Meowth." said James. "Here, we can start with the basics. One plus one equals...what? Guess!"

Jessie got out her paper fan. "One," she said, slapping James with it. "plus one," She slapped Meowth with it. "EQUALS TWO! Now will you stop screwing around already?! You're giving me a headache!"

"Wow, Jess," James mumbled from the ground as he rubbed his sore face. "You're good at math!"

"Yes, I am. Now get up and let's go, or you'll face the wrath of my algebraic equations!"

James and Meowth got up quickly. Neither of them had been taught algebra from Jessie and they didn't plan on it, either. One math problem was painful enough.

"Good. Now let's go." Jessie remarked, putting away the evil paper fan.

So they kept going, Meowth keeping the scent strong as they continued hunting for fresh twerp meat. (it just seemed right to say that)

They haven't been walking too long until they saw what appeared to be some sort of cardboard box in the middle of nowhere. It was part-way open and it looked pretty abandoned.

"Is that a box?" asked James as they approached.

"No, it's my grandmother's toilet bowl." Jessie muttered, rolling her eyes. "Of _course _it's a box. What's it look like, Einstein?"

"Oh, well, I just thought that boxes were non-living creatures. But I could have sworn I saw that thing move."

"Gee, dat's a laugh. Boxes don't move, James." chuckled Meowth. "It was probably just da wind blowin' it around or somethin'."

All of a sudden, a small sniggering noise came from the box.

"Hey! Did you hear that?" asked James. "Maybe it's not a box after all! Maybe it's some kind of pokemon from another dimension that's come down to Earth to dominate the planet and kill everyone in it and then we all die and it's like BOOM...and stuff."

"It doesn't smell like a pokemon to me." Meowth replied, scanning the air. "It smells all weird and stinky---and gross!"

"Well, why don't you go investigate?" asked Jessie.

"Who, me? Nah uh, I ain't gettin' near dat ting!" Meowth swore, crossing his arms.

"Oh yes, you will!" Jessie said, booting him in the bottom and sending him flying towards the box.

Meowth picked his head up from the dirt and hissed. "Do dat again and I'll fury swipe both of your faces so hard you won't even know da meanin' of pain!" he threatened, flexing out his claws. "I'm warnin' ya!"

"**Mggrrfflll...**"

Meowth jumped backwards in surprise and eyed the box curiously.

"AAAAH! The box spoke again!" shouted James, hiding behind Jessie---his shelter. "Think it's gonna eat us?"

"Well, it's gots to be somethin'. I tink it could be some kinda prank." Meowth decided. He pushed the top open and peered inside to see what the heck was in there.

"**GOOBI GAH!**" said a voice from inside the box. Two tiny fingered hands reached up and grabbed at Meowth's whiskers.

"AAAAH! It _is_ a monster! HELP! HELP!" screamed the cat. "It's pullin' on my whiskers! Get it off before it eats me!"

"We're coming, Meowth!" James assured as he picked up Meowth by his back legs and began to pull him away. Whatever it was on the other side obviously wasn't too strong and both Meowth and James flew back and landed hard on their bum.

"For crying out loud! Stop messing around, you two." replied Jessie, rolling her eyes. "It's just a dumb box. We don't have anything to do with it. Let's leave it here and just go on with our pathetic lives, shall we?"

"But...it could curse us!" whined James.

"Yea, that seems pretty likely." Jessie remarked sarcastically. "Seriously, there's no way that whatever it is in that box is going to have the power to---"

"**FOOKIE HOOKOO!**"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed James and Meowth, both jumping into Jessie's arms---ScoobyDoo style.

"Dat sure sounded like a curse to me. Or a magical spell. Or somethin'." Meowth shivered.

"Oh, come on." Jessie laughed, dropping both on the ground. "There's no such things as monsters or curses...well, unless you count pokemon. But there's definitely no such thing as magical spells."

"But it is a monster, Jess! I saw it!" James said quickly.

"Yea, and it almost sucked me into its horrible trap of doom and despair!" Meowth added. "It got me by da whiskers and everyting! How was it supposed ta know dat was my weak spot?" He smoothed out a whisker on his cheek and whimpered.

"Ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard!" she exclaimed. "There's no monster. Here, I'll prove it." She sneaked up on the box carefully and slowly peeked inside.

"Carefully, Jess. It might bite!" James warned.

Jessie didn't seemed to be too concerned about the warning as she sat in front of the box. She smiled as she saw what was inside. Laughing again, she picked up the creature, holding it up in front of her face. "This isn't a monster. It's just a baby. Gee, you two are real wimps!" She began cracking up. She looked back at the baby's big blue eyes. "Hey," she said. "It's actually kinda cute."

James and Meowth looked at each other in shock. "Cute?" they asked, a bit disgusted.

Jessie turned to the baby. "Hello, wittle baby" she cooed, speaking in baby talk as she shook the baby affectionately. "Who's a cute wittle baby, huh? Who's a cute wittle baby?"

"**Gagoo bebah.**" it replied, making gurgling noises in its mouth.

Jessie laughed at what she thought was cute behaviour. "See?" she said as she looked back to her teammates. "It's not that bad. It's just a cute wittle baby. It would never hurt us. Isn't dat right, cute wittle baby? Huh? Isn't dat right?" she asked, touching noses with it.

The baby was still making gurgling noises.

"What you doing, baby? Huh? What you doing?" asked Jessie.

**PE-TOOEY!**

The baby spit in Jessie's left eye and it was now streaming down her face.

"Oh, this can't be good." James whispered, crouching down with his arms over his head like a bomb was going to go off. He looked at his wristwatch. "Anytime now---3...2...1..."

"DON'T YOU DARE SPIT IN MY EYE, YOU LITTLE RAT OF A CHILD OR I'LL SHOW YOU SOME REAL PAIN THAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU STING FOR WEEKS! YOU HEAR ME?!" Jessie shook the baby back and forth in her hands, pretty much red with anger.

"Gah! Jessie, don't do dat!" Meowth ordered.

Jessie stopped and looked to Meowth. "Why not? You saw what it did! I'm gonna have to teach this little scum-bag some manners!" She growled, her glare piercing into the baby when all of a sudden, she saw its lip start to quiver and tears form in its ginormous chibi-like eyeballs.

James cowered down even lower. "Oh, this REALLY cannot be good." he muttered.

Jessie laughed nervously and rocked the baby in her arms. "Oh crap---Don't cry! Um...just, you know, forget everything I said, OK? Just please...please..._don't cry_. Please?"

The baby's lib was trembling even faster and the tears were started to fill up fast.

"Holy freak! It's gonna blow!" shouted Meowth, running around in circles. "May day! May day!"

"**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

In only a matter of seconds, the baby began to let out loud, high-pitched cries and screams, so hard that the sound waves actually blew Meowth away and he had to stand his ground in order to keep himself from flying and...blasting off again.

"PLEASE! DON'T CRY! DON'T CRY!" Jessie pleaded, still rocking the baby around in attempt to calm it down.

"**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

Jessie started wincing due to the pain. "JAMES, DO SOMETHING!" she yelled.

"Me? Why me?" he asked, his hands over his ears.

"BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO!"

"BUT IT'S TOO LOUD! IT'S HURTS!" he whined.

"You think that hurts?" asked Jessie. "TRY THIS!" She pulled out of the ol' mallet from behind her back and bashed James in the head with it, making him fall and crumple to the ground.

"**WAAAAAAAaaaahhh...hehe.**" The baby stopped crying and let out a little giggle as it watched James fall to the ground.

Meowth finally got back on his own two feet and approached the situation with caution. James, struggling to get up from the ground, rubbed his sore noggin from where Jessie had hit him. "Uggh...it stopped. I think the baby liked it..."

Meowth's eyes sparkled. "Do it again!" he chirped.

Without hesitating, Jessie once again brought down the mallet upon James' head and, just like last time, he fell back onto the ground in a painful heap.

"**Ahehe! Hehehehehe!**" laughed the baby, clapping its hands in delight.

"Again!" squealed Meowth.

James was just recovering from the last fall when the mallet seemed to come out of nowhere, striking him almost dead onto the soft grass.

"**MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!**" the baby continued to laugh, finding something about the whole ordeal very hilarious.

"Wow," replied Jessie with a smirk. "I think that finally did it!"

"James, you're a genius!" exclaimed Meowth.

James groaned, picking himself up from the ground for the third time, still rubbing away at the bump on his head. "My brain hurts." he whimpered.

The baby now seemed content, sucking its thumb and slobbering all over the whole dang thing. Jessie and Meowth looked at it, satisfied of the fact that it had finally stopped crying.

"Well...now what?" asked Meowth. "What are we supposed to do with a baby?"

"I don't know." Jessie replied. "We can't just leave it here---it'll follow us. Or even worse---it'll probably cry again! I guess we have to take care of it until it falls asleep."

"But what if it _does_ cry again?" asked James, who finally managed to get himself back in one piece. "I don't want to get hit by that mallet!" His voice turned serious and he clenched his fist. "The bashing...must...end." he whispered soulfully.

"Don't worry Jim, it ain't gonna cry." Meowth exclaimed. "Not if we take care of it good enough! I mean, all we hafta do is get it to get ta sleep. How hard could it be?"

All of a sudden, there was a small grumble coming from the baby's stomach. It looked up at Jessie and spoke. "**Dooby glops**." it said, it's eyes once again starting to water.

"Meowth! Translate!" Jessie ordered.

"I'm sorry Jess, but I can't translate _dat_ language." Meowth sighed. "I can only translate pokemon!"

"Well, we better think of something fast!" James whined worriedly. "I think it might cry again!"

"Yeh, you're right, but where are we gonna get it food?" asked Meowth. "I mean, we're starvin' as it is. How are we supposed ta feed somebody else?"

"It's just a baby, Meowth." Jessie said. "All it needs is a little bit of something to drink and a little bit of something mushy to eat."

"But we don't have a bottle to put a drink in." Meowth exclaimed.

"Well, we can improvise then." said Jessie, rolling her eyes. She picked up a discarded plastic Starbucks cup and brushed the dirt off. "This works just as good as any old bottle." She gave the cup to Meowth. "There's a lake just up ahead. You fill that up and I'll just...find something for it to eat."

"What about me?" asked James.

"You entertain the baby." Jessie replied.

"Wha-wha-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Meowth laughed. "You heard her. Entertain da ting, Mr. Babysitter."

Jessie glared at Meowth.

"Ah! Oh yea, da water, huh? You want me to get it, huh?" asked Meowth. "Well, I'm on it! Here's me---gettin' da water. Just watch. Here I go---walking towards the lake. Here's the cup---clenched in my paw. Dis is me, Meowth, gettin' da---"

"JUST SHUT UP AND FILL THE TANK!"

"Right! I'm on it!" Meowth promised, running off to get some water.

Jessie just slapped her forehead. "Gee, Meowth can get really annoying sometimes, can't he?" she asked, turning to James---who was already busy dealing with his own problems.

"HOLY FREAKING CRAP!" he screamed in terror. "It's climbin' on me! GET IT OFF! HELP!" The baby was indeed, climbing up his face.

"**JAPEE KAKA!**" it squealed, apparently having a good time. It drooled and wiped some spit on his forehead.

At this, Jessie just rolled her eyes once more. "Relax, it's just showing you its affection." she exclaimed. "Your pokemon do it all the time. You should be used to it."

"Can't...BREATHE..." he gasped, suffocating underneath the baby's weight.

Jessie just laughed. Meh, it was funny. It was always funny to watch James in torture. In fact, she could watch it all day but she had some other business to attend to; food huntin'. Any kind of crap would do, as long as it looked edible. Heck, sometimes she even ate crap she didn't even think was edible at all but...ya know. It never hurts.

A voice interrupted her thoughts.

"EW! GROSS, GROSS! This thing smells nasty!" James cried as the baby's diaper pushed against his face.

Jessie laughed again. "Don't worry, it'll wear off---eventually." She got a couple more laughs in before starting making the baby's lunch. First, she decided she would wash her hands. She got out some hand sanitizer (she has hand sanitizer?) and rubbed it on her hands before getting busy.

It didn't take long at all, at least not as long as she would've expected. She plucked a couple dead flowers out of the ground and reached up and found some rotten (and most likely poisonous) berries from a nearby tree branch. She then began to tear at the flowers and ripped them into shreds. She put the berries in the palm of her hand and mushed them to death. Then she mixed it all together and TADA! Chef Jessie strikes again, and this time it's a famous recipe called "Dead Flower Poison Berry Mushy Yucky Gross Green Baby Food"!

Meowth was also back by this time, with a delicious drink called "Paramecium and Amoeba Infested Swampy Lake Water" in the Starbucks cup.

"Hey everybody, da cat's back!" he exclaimed, putting down the drink.

"Good. Took you long enough." she remarked.

"Huh? But I was going as fast as I could!" Meowth protested. "I was working as hard, as productive, as great as I possibly could in an attempt to please you and I...I..." He wiped some tears with his arm. "I HAVE FAILED YOU!"

"I was just kidding."

"Oh. Nevermind, then." said Meowth. "Anyway, is James still babysittin' dat little monster?"

"**BAKOO CHEEKO HOOBA KAK!**" laughed the baby, on top of James' head and banging on it with two sticks. "**RABBA KAABA LOOBOO POO!**"

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! My brain! Ow!" yelped James from between every bang of the baby's sticks.

"Good job, but I think I'll take over from here." Jessie decided, grabbing the baby from off of James and cradling it in her arms.

"**BLAH GOOGOO!**" shouted the baby, throwing a stick at Jessie's face.

"Ow...OK, please don't do that."

"**RACHOO TABAA!**" it shouted again, throwing its other stick at Jessie.

"Hey, I TOL D YOU TO STOP---oh, whatever." Jessie faked a smile. She didn't want to make the baby cry again. Since it was already relaxed, it was better to keep it that way---all the easier to get it to sleep and to finish this stupid thing.

"Here Meowth, gimmie the water." Jessie ordered.

Meowth gave Jessie the water, which she fed to the baby. The baby didn't really seem to care that it was yucky, murky lake water and it drank it anyway. Then Jessie fed it, giving it the crappy mushy stuff but the baby didn't seem to mind that either and ate it up with ease. After it was done feeding, it made its gurgling noises again.

"Heh...I think it's done." James announced.

"Finally." Meowth sighed.

"Whew, could it really be?" she asked the baby. All of a sudden, the baby's eyes grew wide and it began to make gagging noises. It's body shook and its face turned white.

"GAH! What's wrong?" she asked.

"I think you have to burp it!" James barked.

"What's that mean?" asked Jessie. "Here, YOU DO IT!" She handed him the gagging baby and he flinched.

"I don't know how!" he whined.

"JUST TRY!"

James knew Jessie wouldn't hesitate hitting him in the head with a mallet again, so he...tried. He slung the baby over his shoulder and patted its back. "Um...I think this is how you do it. Am I doing it right?" The baby gagged and shook harder.

"What's goin' on?" asked Meowth. "What's wrong with it?"

James pretty much pounded on the baby's freaking back. "Come on! BURP ALREADY!"

The baby continued gagging and gagging until finally...

**BLEEEEEEEEEEH!**

It burped and puked down James' back.

James looked behind him with a gross look on his face. "Oh, dear. That is NEVER going to come out..."

Jessie and Meowth started cracking up and pointing at him. James stuck out his lower lip in displeasure and held the baby away from his face. It burped again, and then---

**VOMIT!**

It barfed all over Jessie.

"Mah...mah face. Mah beautiful face..." whimpered Jessie, holding it as the green slime poured down from it.

James laughed in hysterics at his revenge. "Hehehehe! Jessie, you look good in green!" he emphasized.

Jessie's face turned redder than her hair, and James and Meowth could see it from underneath the puke. "JAMES, I'M GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD, YOU'LL WISH YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BORN!" she threatened, taking out the mallet from behind.

James' eyes widened in terror. "Um...bye!" He ran away.

"OH NO, YA DON'T! COME BACK HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT SO I CAN TEAR YOU TO SHREDS!" She began chasing him with the mallet as he ran for his darn freaking life.

Meowth and the baby watched from afar. 

"Humans." the cat sighed. "I'll never understand 'em. Such weird creatures, don'tcha think?"

"**SHOOKA BLOO**." replied the baby, its eyes sparkling as it stared at what seemed to be Meowth's forehead.

"What am I sayin'?" he asked himself. "You're just as human as dey are. Just look at ya, with dat weird glint in your eyes, lookin' like ya want something from me or what-not..." Meowth began to get nervous as the baby approached him, its eyes focused at the top of the cat's head.

"What's dat?" asked Meowth. He looked up at his forehead and saw his charm, quickly noticing what the baby was staring it. "Oh no, don't ya when tink about dat. You can't have my charm and I'm not gonna let ya get to it, either." He began backing away as the baby crawled towards him.

"**BOOGOO BAH!**" it screamed, pouncing on Meowth with no warning and grabbing onto his charm.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No! Let go! Dat's my charm!" cried Meowth. "JESSIE! JAMES! HELP ME! It's gettin' at my charm! HELP!"

Jessie and James finally stopped with their whole "happy 'n' wonderful" killing scene to help Meowth in his time of despair. The vomit on their bodies was pretty much completely gone---well, what can I say? It's Pokemon. Stuff like that happens.

"What's going on, Meowth?" asked James.

"MY CHARM! MY CHARM!" shouted the kitten.

Jessie and James pulled the baby by its limbs and tried to get it off of Meowth. After struggling for a good three minutes, they finally yanked it off. Meowth screamed with incredible pain as they fell back. Jessie had the beast in her arms, and in the baby's hands---Meowth's charm.

"Woah..." trailed James in awe. "I didn't know that charm was just an accessory."

Meowth's eye twitched. "It...wasn't..." he muttered before falling on his back and placing an ice bag on his forehead.

Jessie put the baby to her face and glared at it. "Hey! That wasn't nice! Now apologise to Meowth!" she ordered. The baby wasn't listening to Jessie's lecture, as it had dropped Meowth's charm and was now staring at the side of Jessie's head. It had the same weird glint in its eyes.

"Wait...what are you looking at?" asked Jessie uncertainly.

"**TABEFOLOOP**!" screamed the baby once more, and this time it grabbed onto Jessie's earring.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Jessie screamed bloody-murder. James and Meowth were so freaked from the outburst that they closed their eyes shut and held each other close for comfort.

Fortunately (or...maybe unfortunately), the baby managed to pull the earring right out without much struggle. It pretty much ripped her freaking earlobe. It laughed as it played around with the earring and put it in its mouth.

"AAAH! No! Don't put that in your mouth!" she shouted, pulling the sphere from out of its jaws. She began sobbing. "That's my earring...my BEAUTIFUL green earring...that doesn't really match with my outfit, but it's still my beautiful earring!" She wiped it on her shirt to get the drool off.

"Yea, well at least it's not as bad as what it did ta _me_!" Meowth chortled. "My charm! My poor, poor charm! We've been through so much together!" He also cried along with Jessie.

James just laughed. "Guys, it's no big deal. Stop freaking out so much. Seriously, it's really not that big of a---" He looked at the baby, who had something new and shiny in its hands. James' voice became small and shaky and his eyes began to water. "Is that...what...what I...what I _think_ it is?"

"Yea, it's one of your crummy bottlecaps." Jessie replied.

"NOT JUST ANY!" he screamed, pulling it away from the baby. "This is the super-deluxe, limited edition, collector's choice, extra-special bottlecap with a brand name I can't remember! Only eleven made worldwide!" Tears streamed down his cheeks as he held it in his fist.

"My guess is dat dis baby probably likes shiny tings." Meowth decided. "Dat's how my species is like accordin' to da PokeDex, but da only shiny ting _I _like is my charm." He cradled it in his palm.

"Don't worry, Paulina, I'll take care of you." James whispered as he stroked the bottlecap. Meowth and Jessie just looked at each other weirdly and decided to let bygones be bygones (or in this case, let bottlecaps be bottlecaps.)

The baby began whining again and squirming uncomfortably. "**Oogoo doogoo.**" it whimpered. It looked like it was trying to squeeze something out.

"Good golly, please don't barf again." pleaded Jessie. "Please! DON'T BARF!"

The baby continued to squeeze and squeeze.

**Mrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeehh...**

**Ehhhhhhhhhh...**

All three of them stared at the baby, squinting and fearing the worst. Would it cry? Would it barf? Meowth hid behind his human counterparts as the baby continued squeezing. Its face was scrunched up and it looked like it was going to explode. And then..._it_ happened...****

FART.

"**Hehe...**"

The baby giggled at its own flatulence.

"UGH! P.U.!" exclaimed Jessie, pinching her nose and waving her hand in the air.

James laughed. "Little Junior really let that one rip!"

Jessie hit him once again in the head with her mallet for his immaturity. 

"EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!" yipped Meowth, spraying a bottle of Gas-Be-Gone (don't ask) in the air to eliminate the horrible stench of the baby's...you-know-what.

**FART.**

The baby laughed and clapped its hands in delight.

Jessie, James and Meowth all looked at each other, thinking exactly the same thought at the same time.

"We have to...CHANGE IT?!" All three anime-fell on the ground. The baby squealed in joy. The Rockets all got up from their shock and wondered about what they should do.

"James, you do it." decided Jessie.

"What? ME? You do it!" he countered back.

"Both of ya's do it, but I ain't touchin' dat dirty ting..." Meowth commented.

"Oh yes, you are!" shouted Jessie. "You have to do this as much as we do!"

"So...I guess this means we're _all_ doing it?" asked James uncertainly.

"Looks like it." Jessie mumbled. She held out her hand, which had three clothespins. She placed one on her nose. James and Meowth picked up the other two. "Get ready guys," she said with a deep breath. "We're goin' in." Dun-dun-DUUUUUUUUUN!

Carefully, slowly and with tender care, (equipped with nose-plugs, of course) they unwrapped the baby's diaper and got ready to face the nightmare until finally, it was off. A large pile of...you-know-what was in the diaper, just waiting to get cleaned up.

"Oh...that's just...that's just sick. Too sick for words." Jessie said as she stared down at it.

"Yea! EWWWWWWW!" cried Meowth, spraying some Gas-Be-Gone directly at the smelly toddler.

"Heh...at least now we know it's a boy." James pointed out.

Jessie shifted her eyes at him. "If my hands were open right now, I would have slapped you for that remark." she mumbled.

"Good thing they weren't." James replied in a sing-song voice.

Jessie just rolled her eyes. Again.

"Well, now what do we do?" asked Meowth hopelessly. "It's not like we have an extra diapy or anyting. Are we just gonna let it go runnin' around in its birthday suit?"

"Of course not! We have to wrap it up in _something_." Jessie stated. She didn't have to look around long enough to get another one of her crazy ideas. "I think I know just what we can use, too."

A couple of minutes after putting Jessie's little... "plan"...(if you could call it that) in action, the baby was now all cleaned up and wearing a huge leaf fastened into a diaper around its bottom. (I told you it wasn't much of a plan)

"Hey look, it's Tarzan II!" laughed Meowth.

"Yea, I know, it looks like a freaking idiot." Jessie replied. "But at least it will probably hold in its...ah, you know. For a little while, anywho, before it decides to take another crap. Making our lives more miserable in the process, I must add."

"Well, what are we supposed to do with _this_?" James asked, holding the baby's old stinky diaper away from his face.

Jessie shrugged. "I dunno. Just dispose of it."

"OK." James tossed the loaded diaper into the air and away it flew. It looked like this one could be Out of the Park.

"I wonder where it's gonna land." marveled Meowth.

"Who knows? But it's not _our_ problem anymore." Jessie laughed.

Meanwhile, outside Professor Oak's lab...

"Good morning, Delia." sang Prof. Oak as the woman approached him with a basket of cookies and her Mr. Mime.

"Um, it's not morning anymore, Professor. It's the afternoon." corrected Delia.

"Oh, whatever. You just know I always say that." Prof. Oak remarked. "Anyway, nice day, isn't it?" He and Delia both looked up at the sky when all of a sudden, an unidentified flying smelly object (UFSO) flew out of the sky and landed smack on the professor's head, knocking him down onto the ground.

"Oh, dear." thought Delia aloud. She looked around to see if anyone was watching before leaving with her Mr. Mime and pretending nothing happened.

Back with the gang...

"Alright, so it's fed, it's burped, it's played, it's went potty...what else does it hafta do before it gets to sleep?" asked Meowth.

"Maybe we should tell it a story..." offered James.

"OOH! Let me!" shouted Jessie. She got in front of the baby. "One day," she started. "There was this bomb under the city and no one knew it was there and then all of a sudden it blew up and everybody died. The end!" The baby stared at her, blinking its eyes.

"That's not how you're supposed to tell a story!" cried James, horrified. He pushed Jessie out of the way. "Here, let me tell it." He cleared his throat. "One day, there were cute pink ponies and unicorns skipping and playing in the flowers and sliding down rainbows and everybody lived happily ever after. The end!"

Jessie looked disgusted. "You call THAT a story?" she asked.

"What? Babies like cute little ponies."

"I think it liked my story better, about doom and destruction!" Jessie argued.

"No, it liked mine!" James countered.

"Exploding bombs!"

"Rainbow unicorns!"

"Burning flames!"

"Sparkely flowers!"

Both of them argued for what seemed like a very long time. The arguing was starting to agitate the baby, and tears once again welled up in its eyes.

"AAAAAAAAH! Guys! Stop fightin'!" ordered Meowth. "Da baby's gonna cry, again!"

"**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

"Too late..." Meowth mumbled, holding his ears.

"Stop crying!" ordered Jessie. "Look! Watch!" She stomped down on James' foot.

"OW!"

"See? Look! He's hurt! Isn't that funny?" asked Jessie.

"**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

"Not...WORKING!" screamed Meowth.

"No? What about this?!" asked Jessie. She pinched James hard on the arm.

"OW!"

"SEE? Look at that! HAHAHAHA! Hilarious!" laughed Jessie.

"**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

"Come on! I thought that was funny!" Jessie snorted. "OK, fine! WATCH THIS THEN!" Jessie leaped upon James and began attacking him like an angry mother ursaring. Mallets, fans...the works. She even punched and kicked and what-not, but none of it seemed to soothe the baby and it just kept crying even harder.

After tiring herself (and James, much less), all three of them just sat and stared at the baby, watching it cry helplessly. Then, they all began crying themselves, anime-style with large rivers flowing form their eyes.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"

A couple hours later...

"Come on guys, we have to reach that next town so I can get mah next gym badge!" shouted Ash, AKA: the twerp.

"Ugh, Ketchum, you are SOOO impatient." scoffed Misty. "Can't we just stay and have a little lunch?"

Brock laughed. "Misty's right, Ash. Just chill. We can go a little farther into this forest to find a good place to settle down."

"Awwww...fine." Ash mumbled. Misty laughed.

All three of them continued into the forest when all of a sudden, Ash tripped on what seemed to be a boot in the middle of his path. He collapsed on the ground, right on his face.

"What the frick?" asked Misty.

"Peeka?" repeated pikachu.

Ash, after getting off his face, moved past the bushes along with his friends to see what he had tripped over. His face was quite flushed.

"Team...Rocket?"

"Of course Ash, who else?" asked Misty. She looked over at the trio. All three of them were sprawled onto the ground with their tongues hanging out. "They look pretty pooped to me."

"Smells like it, too." replied Brock, curling his nose. "PeeeeU!"

"I wonder why they're just laying here, stinking like crap." thought Ash aloud.

"I don't know. Let's just leave 'em be." shrugged Brock as he started to leave.

"Uhhhh...yeeeeeeeah. Good idea, Brock." agreed Misty, following him.

"Peeeeka." Pikachu nodded, also following.

Ash just kept staring at Team Rocket when he noticed his friends were leaving. "H-hey! Wait for me!" he barked, running to catch up.

Let's just say that after that...Jessie, James and Meowth got a nice, long four-hour nap.

Meanwhile---not to far away...

Cassidy and Butch were walking through the forest, obviously doing nothing other than some mission they were assigned by their boss. They had only been walking for a short amount of time when Butch spotted what seemed to be an isolated box in the middle of nowhere.

"What's that box doing in the middle of a forest?" he asked. "And what's moving around inside of it?"

"I don't know, Bach. Maybe some kind of rare pokemon!" squealed Cassidy excitedly. Both ran up to the box, threw open the lid, put their faces inside and---

**PE-TOEEY!**

The End :)


End file.
